If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And then he peed in my hair
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