we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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