Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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