woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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