Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
