dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
