I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
if i can run in heels then i can drive
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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