where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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