oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
