Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize