my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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