I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
