youre lurking in front of me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
