He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
