yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
