How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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