He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
