Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
