I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
