I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
