he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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