I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
