it wasn't lemon gatorade
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
