if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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