Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
