I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
