i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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