Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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