Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
