I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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