Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
