My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
