i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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