U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
