I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we're making bets on your personal life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
