he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
