it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
