i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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