Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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