420 ftw
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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