I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
