...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
