Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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