I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
