Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
