I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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