I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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