She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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