You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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