Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
