What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
