You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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