my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
