How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
