shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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