How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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