she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
