I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
