I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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