i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
