My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize