Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Even my vagina gasped.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
