i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
