Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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