soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
