You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
