The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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