I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
