Cold hands, warm shart.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The Olympian is in my bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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