I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
