if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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