i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
