You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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