we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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