I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
