I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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