Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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