He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
