I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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