Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
