Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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