my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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