his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
