worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
